A Crazy Story About SkinnyDipping
by JinTheKingOfSpades
Summary: Summary: The men of the Enterprise Kirk, Bones, Sulu, Scotty and Chekov go out bathing/Skinny dipping in a lake they feel is secluded. Spock does not participate but he does go with them. Allison, Tiffany and Ax crash their party however.


Summary: The men of the Enterprise (Kirk, Bones, Sulu, Scotty and chekov) go out bathing/Skinny dipping in a lake they feel is secluded. Spock does not participate but he does go with them. Allison, Tiffany and Ax crash their party however. Uhura stays out of it. 2009 cast xD

Author's notes: This was written in pure fun, and I tried to make it as logical yet crazy as possible, and tried to keep people as in person as possible (such as Chekov's way of mixing up his V and W sounds). It is rated PG-13 no R rated stuff and if there is I don't wanna know =3 But there is some suggestive humor somewhere around here. Allison and Tiffany are my friends, I am Ax. So yeah…that's about it. O n an ending note this popped in my head randomly, and I added Allison's role in this fic form all the old fics I wrote in which she steals clothes and hides them. Also it is her 21st birthday so I had a deadline in which I wanted to finish writing this. Happy birthday! And, moving on to the disclaimer!

Chekov: Kin I do zat? Please?

Ax: sure why not?

Chekov: Yes! Ahem. Lex Does not own anyone, not even me! Allison and tiff own zemselves! How's zat?

Ax: Wery good, Pavel. Ugh now I''m talking like you!

~FIC START!!

It was a fine lovely day on some random planet, much like Earth, without any human life forms, or any particular dangerous animal life. Food was edible, lush with plant life and water. In other words it was BORING. Captain Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov, Bones, and even Scotty beamed down,to do some checking about and later possibly beam others down for shore , Allison, and Tiffany joined them. However something went horribly wrong with the transporter to where not even one person could be beamed up. So while major repairs are underway, everyone was stranded. Every few hours Jim established communication with the ship, only to be told no luck yet. Everyone had cabin fever. Or whatever you'd call it.

At the moment Sulu was off inspecting some plant life specimens, Bones was just plain irritated, Spock and Uhura were just sitting there, Tiffany and Scotty hadn't run out of things to talk about, Jim was the one irritating Bones, with Allison attempting to "un-irritate" him, and Chekov was mainly bugging Ax. As they had been for five whole days.

"I see why Scotty didn't wanna come along," Ax commented boredly.

"Aye, din I say I din wanna come here?" Scotty agreed, scowling.

" I'll keep that in mind next time the transporter decides to break down at random," Jim answered sarcastically.

"Or at least keep someone else who can fix it up there," Ax yawned.

"wait, why can't Scotty at least help them over the communicator?" Tiffany asked.

" I dunno, they don't even seem to have a clue what's wrong. Remember we have Chief Engineer with us," Ax shrugged. Everyone lapsed into silence.

~2 Hours later!

It was getting dark out. Spock and Uhura were sitting close together and currently asleep. Sulu had returned and was also taken a nap. Jim took a walk, Bones and Allison were talking about relationships, Tiffany got bored and had played Charades, I Spy and now Paper, Rock, Scissors with Scotty. Ax was almost asleep and noticing Chekov had his arm around her and petting her hair tenderly.

" Hey guys, I noticed we had towels? I am going to bathe. I found a lovely lake nearby. Anyone wanna join?" Jim had returned and addressed the crew.

"Yeah," "Sure," were most replies, except for Spock, and the girls.

"Why do we have towels with?" Ax whispered to Uhura, who only shrugged in response. Nevertheless, Spock did go with them, and the men folk gathered up the towels that mysteriously were there, and left.

" A lake? Nasty!" Ax commented.

"Why?" Uhura asked.

"Think of how many fished peed and died and mated and shit in that lake! And other….people!" Ax pointed out.

"Well…if you look at it that way," she agreed.

"Hey! I've got a wild idea!" Everyone glanced at Allison.

"Wha? We join em?" Ax replied, indignantly.

"Uuuh, no. But let's go spy on them!"

"…spy?" Tiffany replied, scratching her head.

"Sounds fun," Ax yawned.

"You do that. I think I'm going to sit this one out," Uhura declined.

"Spoilsport," Ax sneered.

"Going away from tradition, aren't we? Don't you always call me "ass kisser"?" Uhura smirked.

"Yeah well.. Spoilsport of an ass kisser!" Ax sneered at her once more. "Happy?"

"Immensely."

"You are a loon!"

-With the Men Folk-

And of course lake water is cold.

"Oooh, cold!" Sulu griped, one foot in the water, clad in his hot boxers.

"Is not!" Chekov replied, fully submerged.

"You must be cold-blooded," Sulu glared, managing to get in finally.

"Nah, is warm to me, like bath!"

"…I hope you burn up," Sulu gritted his teeth. Spock sat on the "shore" and out of reach any splashers. Jim was swimming about like a shark looking for prey, splashing anyone and everyone, especially Bones. With replies like "Damnnit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a fish!" Scotty had teased Chekov (as had Jim) about wearing his boxers. ("Hey, there no girls here!-Jim and "Aye laddie, we're all men!"- Scotty) So he caved in and skinny dipped.

"Why you wearing your boxers, ?" Scotty asked.

"I'm not…totally comfortable, like SOME of you," Sulu replied, crossing his arms across his chest. As for Bones…

"Hell no!" was simply it. He was reluctant about going in,till Jim pulled him in. "Damnnit Jim! I already told you I'm a DOCTOR, not a FISH!"

"Could have fooled me," was the reply. Meanwhile Spock surveyed the whole scene with fascination at their illogical-ness.

"Fascinating."

"What was that you green blooded, pointy eared…!" The women folk crept up. Tiffany wasn't sure on this, Allison kept giggling like a loon, Ax was grinning.

"Oooh, look! I found their clothes!" Allison grinned happily.

"..Oh no," Ax groaned. Allison reached over and started picking up their clothes, and taking off with them.

"She's gonna get it," Tiffany replied.

"Not if you don't tell," Ax reminded her. Allison left them their towels, and Chekov's clothes.

"Here, you hide them," she insisted, handing them to Ax.

"Why?"

"For your entertainment," she replied. Ax shrugged, but wandered off, careful to avoid touching his boxers with her bare hands. She returned after a few minutes.

"Where did you hide them?"

"Oh, You'll find out. Let's go…talk to the dudes!" The women folk came into view. Allison walked over to the waters edge, Tiffany didn't go too far over, and Ax went over to Spock. "Amused?" She asked him, his usual look slightly tinged with fascination and amusement.

"Mildly. I do not understand why they splash, I confess," he replied, his usual calmness not betraying him.

"They think it's funny, it is if its not you they're splashing," Ax clarified.

"It is illogical," Spock countered," Illogical human behavior.

"Whoever said humans were logical?"Ax wondered. Meanwhile the guys noticed the girls finally.

"Hey lasses!" Was Scotty's reaction. He didn't give a rat's ass.

"... Oh good, more people to splash!" Was Jim's reaction.

"You said there were no girls!" Chekov griped. Sulu and Bones simply sank deeper.

"Splash me, you die," Tiffany glared at Jim. Ax got up and went over the edge.

"Aww, Pavel, why so shy?"She teased.

"L-L-Lex! I'm not wearing anything!" Chekov sunk deeper, trying to hide.

"Wha, think I'd peek? At what?"She replied, still teasing her "sweet Russian".

"..Are you saying I have nothing?!"

"Aww, relax Pav, I'm just giving you hell," Ax reassured him, and then added teasingly," I'm sure you have rather impressive equipment!" Which made poor Chekov blush, and made most everyone laugh, except Spock and of course Chekov.

"How would you know?" Tiffany asked.

"I don't. Is something Cassi says about Russians. Her urban legends!"

"Come find out!" Jim replied, still laughing.

"I'll pass. Why don't you check for me," Ax replied, shrugging.

"NO!" Chekov exclaimed, and moved to Sulu and Bones. Perhaps for protection.

"Spoilsport," Ax remarked. So while Chekov avoided Jim, and Ax, Jim moved on to stealing shorts. Of course Scotty helped, the loon. It really looked more like the two men were dunking Sulu and Bones. Or at least drowning them. Jim targeted Bones, Scotty targeted Sulu. Chekov helped no one, but moved over to the girls, despite him being shy.

"We're not going to peek," Allison reassured him.

"Hell no," Tiffany agreed.

"Got noting I wanna see," Ax joked, which made Chekov blush.

"And just a while ago you said he was "impressive", Allison rolled her eyes. Ax gave her the finger. Meanwhile…

"Dammnit Jim!"

The girls and Chekov glanced over to see Bones, dripping wet when before partially dry, to sink deeper and obviously attempting to preserve his modesty, by covering up whatever he has with his hands. As if anyone could see anything. Jim meanwhile held up Bones' shorts.

"Oookay," was Tiffany's response.

"Very hot boxers, Leo!" Was Ax's reaction, laughing. Allison couldn't help but giggle like a loon. Even Chekov chuckled.

"Hey! Jim lost his audience as everyone turned their attention to Sulu, who was in much the same as Bones, with the exception that Scotty threw poor Sulu's boxers randomly in the woods. Of course Sulu never found them either, Scotty can throw pretty far.

"Riiight," Tiffany remarked.

"Hehehe, Sulu's "nake-y"!" Ax teased mercilessly. Allison and Chekov just sat there cackling.

"Chekov! I thought you were my friend," a very embarrassed Sulu remarked. Chekov's response? He choked on a bug.

"Kaaarma, biiiitch, Kaaaarma," Ax sang happily.

"You're out of tune," Tiffany remarked.

"Shut it, at least when I sing I sound like alto, when you sing you sound like a soprano wannabe!"

In the end Bones wrestled his shorts back, and promptly put them on. Jim went back to splashing and drowning people. Scotty helped cause he thought it was funny. Sulu and Chekov avoided everyone except the girls and Chekov apologized to Sulu for cackling at him in his "shorts-less state". What happened to Spock? Well, he only had one thing to say.

"Humans..do illogical things," he remarked through all of this," yet I find it fascinating."

"Admit it, you're actually laughing deep down somewhere, on the inside, at least at Bones," Ax replied.

"That is…illogical."

"YOU'RE illogical!" Ax decided to antagonize Bones, in between drownings of course.

"So Leo..Very hot boxers. Personally they're granny panties, I'd have thought you'd have worn a thong," She taunted.

"WHAT?! So…So..So what!" Was all he could think of. Plus it was hard to reply, between Jim drowning him..

"It's outdated, so what! You fossil!" She continued, Allison looking at her in mild shock.

"Ax!"

"Oh yeah….well I bet you wear granny panties!" Bones finally got a good counter and a good grip on Jim.

"HA, Joke's on you, I don' wear underwear, Bonesy!" Ax jeered. Allison laughed.

"Really?" Tiffany asked then added," I thought…"

"…Uh…I ….didn't need to know that," Chekov replied, blushing.

"…Oookay then…." Sulu remarked.

"Really?" Jim asked also.

"Yeah well.. well…" Bones tried to think of a good insult. Of course Spock only raised his eyebrow.

"Very witty comeback, Doctor," he remarked.

"You green blooded.."

"So Bones, why that color of underwear? "Ax sneered.

"None of your damn business!" Then he got very irritated. "Chekov! Make yourself useful. Get her!" Obediently Chekov moved over to Ax.

"Eh…what should I do?" He asked.

"…Splash her! I don't care… Just…bug her!'" Meekly, Chekov began splashing at Ax. He barely got her boots wet.

"Oh wow. Scary! I'm so scared! You do not know how to splash! Who taught you how to splash, your mama?" Ax teased. Jim forgot his beloved Bones, and came over.

"No no. THIS is how you do it!" With that he gave Ax a good splashing.

"Eck! " Ax moved away, just as Scotty succeeded in knocking Tiffany in, somehow or another.

"Ass!" She shouted. Ax laughed hard at her. "What are you laughing at? You think this is funny? Get her, Chekov!" She pulled herself out, cussing. Chekov splashed Ax harder, which led Ax to kick at his head, which was not a good idea. He grabbed her leg and pulled her in.

"PAVEL ANDREVITCH CHEKOV!" With that, Ax attempted to drown him. He just laughed. Ax ended up kneeing Chekov in his family jewels, which hurt.

"Oooww!" he exclaimed, clutching himself.

"Serves you right. Karma, bitch. Karma." She shoved his head under and climbed out. "I look like a drowned rat!" She wrung out her long hair, as Jim pulled Allison in the water also. She somehow seemed less upset. On the contrary she just laughed.

" I think I'm going to take my leave of you," Spock suddenly remarked," Before someone decides to throw me in also." He stood to leave.

"Veeery good idea, Spocky." Ax replied, still wringing her hair out. He raised his eyebrow at her nickname.

"I quite think so." And with that he went back to where they'd "made camp."

"I for one, think that's a very good idea," Tiffany agreed.

"I'm cold," Sulu complained.

"I'm hungry," Chekov added.

"Well, I'm bored. I'm leaving." Jim declared, starting to get out.

"Well, let us leave first!" Ax exclaimed, getting up very quickly and leaving. Allison and Tiffany followed rather quickly. The rest of the men folk got out of the water, and went to where they tossed their towels and their…clothes?

"Hey! Where're my clothes? " A very confused Chekov asked.

" Good question. Mine...are not where I left them," Sulu replied.

"Oh that's great. Real great," Bones replied, dripping sarcasm.

"You don suppose.." Scotty asked, referring to the girls.

"Wha? The girls? Probably." Jim replied, not worried, draping his large towel around his waist. Chekov barely got his tiny towel around his equally tiny and delicate waist once, considering he's a TWIG. Sulu had no underwear and had his HUGE towel draped around him like a toga. Everyone else just had theirs wrapped around their waists.

~Campsite!!~

"You did what?" A very surprised Uhura asked.

"Yup," Allison replied with a grin.

"I hid Pavel's," Ax replied.

" Oh, he's going to get you," Uhura replied.

"Naaah…"

Enter the men's return.

"Oh my god, where're your clothes," Uhura replied nevertheless.

"Funny, that's what we'd like to know," Bones replied, looking directly at Allison.

"Don't give up!" Was her reply.

"If you know where they are, tell us," he asked, nicely, through gritted teeth.

"No fun," she said, shaking her head. After the guys got no help from her, they went on their hunt, piece by piece, they eventually were finding their clothes.

"Scotty, I can't believe you lost my underwear!" A very upset Sulu complained.

"Din I say I was sorry, laddie?"

"I still can't find my clothes," A very cold Chekov said.

"Do you need your clothes?" Jim asked.

"…I'm not going back to the Enterprise like zis!"

"Pavel dear, next time you might try looking up," Ax told him, pointing up to….a tree. Lo and behold, all his clothes were there, in the tree.

"Oh man!" Sighing, he tightened his towel and began climbing the tree. Luckily it was a very easy and climbable tree.

"Let's not stand where he can flash us and moon us," Ax moved far away, as did everyone else.

"He's gonna get hurt," Uhura remarked.

"Probably. That's why we have Bones," Ax replied. Bones gave her a funny look and Allison giggled.

"You're so mean!" Allison told her.

"That I am." Meanwhile Chekov was halfway there, tightening his towel once more before continuing. There he found all his clothes, including his underwear, which were….

"Red? Satan's panties!" Ax Cracked. Allison continued to giggle like a loon.

"Too bad it never occurred to him to bribe you to get his clothes down," Tiffany told Ax.

"I'm not an easy person to bribe," Ax made a face. Chekov began tossing his clothes down on the ground, thankfully that's where they landed too. He began to climb down, careful not to slip.

"He told me about falling out of a tree once," Ax remarked to no one in particular.

"Very cheery," Bones replied dryly. Of course Chekov did slip.

"I'll save you!" Ax moved faster than anyone else and attempted to catch the falling Russian. Of course she miscalculated and he ended up falling on her instead, landing on her back.

"I'm alive! Thank you Lex!" He replied, sighing in relief.

"Yeah, yeah, get OFF. You're damp!"

~Later:~

Everyone was fully dressed, had all their clothes, (except Sulu) and so on and so forth. They made a fire, and sat around it.

"All we need now are marshmallows!" Tiffany remarked. Spock looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Marshmallows?"

"Never mind."

Allison snuggled in to Bones, who'd forgiven her finally for hiding his clothes. Uhura fell asleep yet again, snuggled into Spock, Scotty attempted to snuggle Tiffany but she wasn't having any of that. Sulu lay by himself, asleep. Jim was awake, but quiet for once. Chekov snuggled into Ax, content.

" I could get used to zis. We should stay," He said, smiling a bit.

"Don't expect it to last long. I do not wanna stay," Ax replied, sleepily.

"I agree with Pavel," Allison agreed. Bones, being almost asleep, didn't reply.

"I cannot wait to get back to the ship," Ax yawned, and snuggled into Chekov, who sighed happily.

"Same here," Jim replied, looking up to the sky, hopefully.

~Epilogue:

2 days later the transporter finally was up and working again and was able to beam people up again. Scotty went first, along with Spock and Ax to ensure it was working properly. It was so everyone else came back. All was good again and Sulu was able to wear underwear again.

~End author notes:

Ax: Okay I am dead tired right now! All I wanna do is go to bed!

Irina: Do you still not believe in Eden?

Ax: Sister, my Eden is my BED and I hope to make it there as soon as get done typing this! I so wanna snuggle Chekov right now…

*Allison is nestled on Bones' lap of course*

Ax: And my dog is snoring which is really bloody annoying! Okay, makin my way to my own Eden, which is my

bed…Nighty Night everyone…*falls asleep*

Sulu: Sayonara!

Chekov: Dasvidanya! …Did I spell zat right? Damn, can't type crillic on zis thing!


End file.
